Chelsea Handler Playboy Photos: Coming Soon!

Chelsea Handler will be on the cover of Playboy in December.

Thanks to Jay Leno making a few calls to his connections, we now know what the cover of the issue (which will also feature Joanna Krupa nude) will look like.

Jay surprised Chelsea Handler with an enourmous version of the E! personality's cover, featuring the Chelsea Lately host (who quit drinking for "like a day and a half" to get in shape) standing in some faux snow, clad in a white bikini ...
The holiday-themed issue should make for quite a nice stocking stuffer. What we wouldn't give to find this under the mistletoe. Okay, not really actually.

Prior to the cover being unveiled, she joked that she was excited, particularly for her dad, who was going to love it "because he thinks I'm very sexual."

She's better looking than she is funny.

Still, upon seeing it, she got laughs by saying "We need the guy that airbrushed me to come back.

Do You Wanna Date Ashley Greene?

Due to her annoying team of lawyers, Ashley Greene nude photos were removed from the Internet.

As a result, the only way to see this Twilight Saga star in the buff is to date her.

Fortunately, the actress that plays Alice Cullen is willing to help men with that challenge. In a recent Men's Fitness feature, she discussed five rules to dating. Follow these closely, and you may become a lucky fang banger...

1. Be independent: "If a guy is too clingy or needy, I actually get afraid of hurting him - and I can't deal with that."
2. Be willing to give: "I need a guy that understands give-and-take. I can't be the only one giving."
3. Show confidence: "It's attitude that gives a guy an edge. When you walk around thinking 'everyone wants to f--- me,' that's what comes across. Those guys just scream sex!"
4. Just chill: "I hate jealous guys! Everyone can be jealous. We all have that in us. Push the demon down or it's going to drive the other person away."
5. Be real: "Don't throw petals on the floor if they have no meaning. I would rather have a fun, casual relationship than have someone pretending they're completely in love with me."
Greene added: "Being sexy is about intrigue and mystery, not putting everything out on the table. That's the kind of guy I want to be around. I just want to jump his bones!"

Shauna Sand Sex Tape: Staged, Far From Hot

Yesterday, we reported that Vivid is putting out a Shauna Sand sex tape, but that Shauna is lawyering up, claiming they don't have permission to release it.

She admits it is just one of many sex tapes she has made with her current boyfriend, who we're pretty sure is Romain Chavent. Vivid says it's got the rights.

"We were approached by a third party with the footage" and are "comfortable with our legal position releasing the footage," the entertainment company stated.

Shauna's own stepdaughter, Shayne Lamas, called her out on this obvious PR stunt, the likes of which we have seen and reported on countless times before.

As you can see, the footage from this "private" Shauna Sand video is of superior quality than some movies and TV shows, and the still photos are airbrushed:

As the old adage goes, if a camera crew films you from multiple angles and you stare blankly at their lenses, as if the guy isn't even there, is it even a sex tape?

In any case, we're pretty sure that soon enough, we'll be asked to remove the pictures because we are violating her right to privacy or some such nonsense.

It's a flimsy legal claim, as she clearly wants us to see her getting violated in an entirely different way, but we'll comply because it's not worth the legal fees.

Follow the jump if you're interested in some sexy hilariously staged pictures from the porno Shauna Sand video. Be forewarned, though, that:

1. Some of the pictures here are pretty graphic.
2. It's Shauna Sand. You can do a lot better. Seriously. Think Heidi Montag, but 15 years and as many plastic surgeries later, and less cute to begin with.